I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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