he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You took a bar mat shot.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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