3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
