That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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