Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
