He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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