i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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