i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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