Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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