if i can run in heels then i can drive
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
