every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
