I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
