nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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