Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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