So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
