Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
