This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
