I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize