6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
