Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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