I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
