Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he shaved USA in his pubs
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
