Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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