I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
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I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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