i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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