Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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