I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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