the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
