Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
