One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
