one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
