Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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