What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
