He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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