the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
