I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
