Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
