Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
