I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize