bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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