just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
