Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
