I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
