she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
