thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
