Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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