Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
