I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
