i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
