I wish my penis had an off switch
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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