i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
