Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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