His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
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i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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