I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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