Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
