Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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