Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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