I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
