evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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