You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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