i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
