he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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