i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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