Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
