if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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