What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
