I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
