I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
