i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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