It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
