Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize