Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
wow bdsm is so cute
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize